Monday, October 14, 2013


After four weeks in and out of hospitals and rehab, my mother passed away peacefully at 10:02 PM Eastern time, last night.

This will be the last post on Malaprop Mom.

Thank you for your support.


Monday, September 16, 2013

Right Pew, Wrong Morgan

While preparing to watch Now You See Me co-starring Morgan Freeman:

"Is that the one with Morgan Fairchild?"

And while watching the movie:

"Wait. I'm confused. Is Margo Freechild a good guy or a bad guy?"

Saturday, August 31, 2013

Oh, Flub It!

A Phlebotomist's Practice Kit

Among the odder cable shows to which MM is addicted, there are several programs on competing networks about re-sellers who find their merchandise in abandoned storage units which have been put up for auction by the storage facility due to lack of rental payments. A&E's "Storage Wars," set in Southern California and "Storage Wars: Texas" each focus on four to six regular "characters" who know and hate one another and will do anything they can to keep the other bidders from getting a unit. It's entertaining in small doses. Unfortunately, MM likes to watch the marathons. Luckily, just such a marathon today led to tonight's truly epic entry.

One of the bidders came across a kit very much like the one pictured above. He took it to a local medical training facility to have it appraised and was informed that it was phlebotomy practice kit, used to teach nurses, phlebotomists and other medical technicians to draw blood for testing.

MM: A lobotomy kit? 

Uncle P: No, a phlebotomy kit.

MM: A fle-buh-buh-blah-blah-blah?

Uncle P: (uncontrollable, hysterical laughter)

MM: (laughing at herself) Sure... laugh at your mother! I'm so glad I amuse you.

Before I sign off, I want to give a shout out to my Eastern European readers, who far outnumber my U.S. readers (at least here on 'Malaprop Mom'). According to Google's stats, Malaprop Mom's largest audiences are in Russia, Poland and Latvia. I must assume folks there are reading it to learn and/or improve their English skills. At least I hope they are. If you are a reader from outside the U.S., please leave me a comment and let me know where you are and why you read 'Malaprop Mom.' I love hearing from my readers! And don't forget to follow me for the latest updates.

More anon,

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Ladies' Man?

Mom's a huge fan of crime procedurals and she watches all of them. Some are better than others (though I never have a problem watching adorable Aussie Matt Passmore on "The Glades"). One of the shows I don't care if I miss is Eric McCormack's "Perception," a show which borders on the ludicrous more often than not (and please do NOT bring Scott Wolf back next season, unless it's in flashbacks leading up to his murder in next season's premiere). Still it provided tonight's post, so I must give it a nod. And once you read what Mom said, you will understand the accompanying image.

Commenting on the episode's Main Suspect's pattern of picking up women in bars:

"He's quite the woman-sizer, isn't he?"

More, anon.

Monday, August 19, 2013

1 from Column A & 1 from Column M

When in Doubt, Order Sesame Chicken

Column A: Upon being told by her cardiologist that she shouldn't have Chinese food anymore:

"Not even if I order it without sodium gook-imate?"

Column M: Discussing my sister's and brother-in-law's preferences at their local Chinese buffet:

"Well, they like that grilled mongrel (Mongolian Grill)."

More, anon.

Monday, August 5, 2013

Love the Sinner

Commenting on the spices in the apple pie she's eating:

"Mmmm! Sinnery!"

More, anon.

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Spy's the Limit

Christopher Gorham

While discussing the characters of Annie (Piper Perabo) and Auggie (Christopher Gorham) on USA's CIA spy show "Covert Affairs":

"I'm so glad she finally got together with Ooggie."

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Extinct Toys

Not a Sex Toy
Not Mom's but a good one:

Well, I have no idea why I cant embed a video here, so I guess I just have to link to it, here.

More, anon.

Friday, July 5, 2013

Head of the Class

While watching Nick Cannon bop around backstage during 'America's Got Talent:'

"Nick, you're going to jerk your head right off your head!"

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Construction Ahead

Click Pic to Embiggen. I won't Tell.
Yes, that's a sexy carpenter. Yes, it means there's going to be some structural changes around here, soon. I threw this blog together on the spur of the moment, so I'm not completely thrilled with all of it. 

Expect some layout changes (especially the header - yeauch!) before another bon mot from chere Maman! In the meantime, enjoy the carpenter. Go on. You know you want to. 

Oh, did you see that? Easier to read text font, already! Go me!

Monday, June 24, 2013

Tiger, Tiger

While watching a news story about a young wildlife refuge worker who was attacked by a tiger while she was cleaning its enclosure:

"Wasn't it a tiger that attacked Sigmund and Freud?"


Welcome to Uncle P's newest blog, Malaprop Mom. 

My mother is 71, smart and hilarious. She reads constantly (mostly mysteries and thrillers), but can't spell to save her life. Among her favorite TV shows are "Falling Skies" and "The Walking Dead." I suppose all those years of my influence finally paid off. She loves flowers, especially carnations; tea roses and petunias. She loves watching the birds at the feeder in the garden, where hydrangeas and Chinese lilies are just starting to bloom. She's also a constant source of entertainment for my sister and I, thanks to her infamous mispronunciations, Spoonerisms and down right malapropisms.

She's always done this, but we've just started finding them increasingly funny and I thought I should share. And just to let you know a little about her often surprising sense of humor, when the Brendan Fraser version of The Mummy came out on DVD, we sat down to watch it and in her best Tom Cruise, Mom shouted: "Show me The Mummy!" Now this is funny for two reasons - first, what an hilariously unexpected pun from her. But second, and more importantly, she has never seen Jerry Maguire and has no idea what she's referencing other than something she's heard a lot of other  people say, a lot.  

The truly hilarious malaprops started to become classics about 5 or 6 years ago (maybe more). I found her with the TV tuned to the PBS cooking show "America's Test Kitchen" and asked her what she was watching, to which she replied: "America's Test Chicken." Needless to say, that's what we both now call it. I wish had written them all down (and if I remember any, I'll post them), but it's never to late to start.

I will probably update this blog less frequently than Caliban's Revenge, and I'll certainly do less linking but I'll try to post every time Mom says something funny! That 'Sh*t My Dad Says' guy has nothing on me...

Love you, Mom!

So, let's get started, shall we?